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The Definitive Ebook of Lawyer Jokes
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Lawyer Jokes 
Introduction, Disclaimer & Index
There is an essential nobility to the law, or this site's owner, who is a New York attorney with his law degree from Oxford University, would have nothing to do with it.
However, the excesses of some practitioners of the law, a few members of the trial bar in particular, understandably (even deservedly) make the legal profession the butt of "lawyer jokes."
Yet many in the legal profession, including the many distinguished lawyers who are associated with Pre-Paid Legal Services, are doing something about it. Their efforts range from their work in PPL, making "Law for All" a reality, to a positive interest in promoting tort reform.
In the meantime, the rest of us lawyers suffer guilt by association and just laugh at the jokes along with everyone else.
We have presented our collection of lawyer jokes in the form of a free e-book The Definitive Ebook of Lawyer Jokes. This Ebook is available for you to download. Enjoy it on your computer and send copies to your friends. And it is FREE to anyone who subscribes to our mailing list. Scroll on down for the index of contents.
But don't let the joke be on you! Don't let the lawyers have the last laugh! Get the inexpensive and indispensable protection of Prepaid Legal Services. Enroll Online Now.
Although most of the material in our ebook is in wide circulation, we believe it to be the best collection of lawyer jokes anywhere. There are more than 500 of them! All this material is believed to be in the public domain and unprotected by any copyright. However, if anyone out there claims ownership, please write to the webmaster.
The law is an admirable (if sometimes sullied) creature of mankind. So let's start from the top and work on down. And remember that, if "The Law is a Ass," it is "We the People" who elect the asses that make the laws! (OK, OK - most of those asses are lawyers anyway!)
Law Lore
Law is a pledge that the citizens of a state will do justice to one another. - Lycophron, 3rd Century BC Greek poet and scholar
The law is reason free from passion. Aristotle, 4th Century BC Greek philosopher
As physicians are the preservers of the sick, so are the laws of the injured. Epictetus, 4th Century BC Greek philosopher
Where-ever Law ends, Tyranny begins. - John Locke, 17th Century English philosopher
The law is the witness and external deposit of our moral life. Its history is the history of the moral development of the race. - Oliver Wendell Holmes
Common sense often makes a good law. William O. Douglas, Supreme Court Justice
It may be true that the law cannot make a man love me, but it can keep him from lynching me, and I think that's pretty important. Dr. Martin Luther King, American Civil Rights Leader
Men would be great criminals did they need as many laws as they make. Lord Darling, English judge
Someone has tabulated that we have 35 million laws on the books to enforce the 10 commandments. Bert Masterson
Lawyers are like rhinoceroses: thick skinned, short-sighted, and always ready to charge. David Mellor, British politician.
The things that lawyers know about,
Are property and land.
But why the leaves are on the trees;
And why the waves disturb the trees;
Why honey is the food of bees;
Why horses have such tender knees;
Why winters come when rivers freeze;
Why faith is more than what one sees;
And hope survives the worst disease;
And charity is more than these,
They do not understand. H. Pepler, The Devil's Dream
Lawyers - The profession we love to hate. Anon
A lack of principals - As in "a flock of geese" - descriptive of the faculty of any law school. With apologies to the late Maurice Bowra of Oxford
Wrong must not win by technicalities. - Aeschylus (c 460 BC)
If you do not have the basis for an argument, abuse the plaintiff. - Cicero
"In law, what plea so tainted and corrupt, But, being seasoned with a gracious voice, Obscures the show of evil?" - Shakespeare, Merchant of Venice
The law of England is the greatest grievance of the nation, very expensive and dilatory. - Bishop Gilbert Burnet (1723)
Let the laws be clear, uniform, and precise; to interpret laws is almost always to corrupt them. - Voltaire
God works wonders now and then: Behold! a lawyer, an honest man! - Benjamin Franklin
If there were no bad people there would be no good lawyers. - Charles Dickens
If law school is so hard to get through, how come there are so many lawyers? - Calvin Trillin
The law courts of England are open to all men, like the doors of the Ritz Hotel. - Lord Darling, English Judge
Her husband is a lawyer; and an honest man. - "Bigamist!" - Punch (1920s)
An unjust law is itself a species of violence. Arrest for its breach is more so. - Gandhi
Lawyers are the only profession where the more there are, the more are needed! - Robert Lucky, IEEE Spectrum
There is no better way to exercise the imagination than the study of the law. - Anon
No artist ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets the truth. - Jean Giradoux
I'll never discuss my lawyer's character in his absence, so let's discuss his absence of character! - Michael Lara
There is no doubt that my lawyer is honest. For example, when he filed his income tax return last year, he declared half of his salary as 'unearned income.' - Michael Lara
Between grand theft and a legal fee, there only stands a law degree. Anon
And here's what started it all - at least in the modern era:
First thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers. Shakespeare (King Henry VI)
But wait! You need one! Become a member of Prepaid Legal Services. Enroll Online Now.
And now enjoy more than 500 reasons to have a laugh!
The Definitive Ebook of Lawyer Jokes
Table of Contents
Lawyer Q & A
Miscellaneous Lawyer Jokes
Lawyers in Heaven
Lawyers in Hell
Lawyers in Love
Lawyers Making Money
Dumb Lawyers
Lawyers & Doctors
Country Lawyers
Lawyers & Animals
Anatomy of a Lawyer
Courtroom Humor
Legalese
To get your copy, click here:
The Definitive Ebook of Lawyer Jokes.
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